


Assbutt

by Stncldlvr75



Category: Supernatural
Genre: But Not Much, Its hard to write, M/M, Romance, some smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-23
Updated: 2016-11-23
Packaged: 2018-09-01 15:19:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 3,979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8629225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stncldlvr75/pseuds/Stncldlvr75
Summary: It takes place a few hours after Mary Winchester left the bunker. Dean is heartbroken, Sam is drinking, Castiel and Crowley are looking for Lucifer. Cas can hear Dean in his head, and he drops everything to make sure he's okay.They have no idea that they love each other. They've been keeping it to themselves, their own personal struggles. But tonight may be the night that all changes. Is this moment in time the place to finally let all be exposed?





	1. The Truck

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first attempt at writing since probably 1999. I'm very proud of this. I hope you like it.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel can hear and feel Dean, and Crowley is annoying.

"Dean...."

   Something was wrong. He could feel it. Castiel made a quick U-turn, knocking Crowley into him as he sped back towards Kansas.

"Bloody Hell Cas! What was that about?"  
"Something is wrong at the bunker. I have to get there."  
"Oh, your Dean-y senses are tingling, are they?"

  The angel spared a moment to glare at the demon before putting his eyes back on the road, not giving him an answer.

"Well, far be it from me to ruin a good accident, but if you want to get to your beloved in one piece, you might want to slow down."

  Castiel looked down at the speedometer and saw he was going 80. "Oh," he said, and slowed down to 60. Eyebrows crossing, getting slightly annoyed at the demon.

"He is not my 'beloved', as you so eloquently put it. He is just very.... Special to me."

Crowley smiled wryly and looked over at the angel, who was.... Was he.... BLUSHING?

"That slight color to your face says just how 'special' he is."

Just then, they stopped at a train crossing. Castiel took a page from Dean's playbook, reached behind Crowley and smacked him in the back of the head.  
He rubbed the spot casting an evil eye at Cas. Cas resumed driving.

They were a few miles from Kansas when Crowley decided to speak again.  
"Castiel?"  
"Yes, Crowley?" He was already losing patience.  
"Have you ever... Talked to Dean about how you feel?"  
"Crowley...." His gravely voice reverberating through the truck. "So help me...."  
"What? It's not like it's painfully obvious, but it is terribly obvious!"

   Castiel slammed on the brakes, causing Crowley to go head first into the dashboard. "OW!!!" He said, rubbing his head. "Wha-"  
Castiel looked at him then, fire in his eyes.

"Just because I agreed to let you help me look for Lucifer does NOT give you the clearance to talk to me about my 'feelings' or lack thereof! I am an Angel of the Lord! Dean and I are connected by a bond! That's all you need to know!!"

   And with that, Cas continued driving, while Crowley sulked in the passenger seat.

   Castiel was alone with his thoughts, feeling Dean's pain down to his very core. He never realized his love for him was so visible to others. If you could even call it that. It was so much more than that. But why Dean Winchester? He saw the angel like family. Not to mention that Dean was a huge lover of women, if his extensive porn collection was any evidence. However, he's risked everything for him on more than one occasion. And this vessel that the angel inhabits, plus his brief encounter with humanity,have made him realize what true feelings are, and he knows he feels them for the hunter.  
And he knows that he can never tell him.


	2. Internal Screaming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean is heartbroken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is fun!!

 "Cas...."  

    It was the name that kept repeating in his head as Dean Winchester, badass hunter, ladykiller, and scourge of demons and monsters alike, sobbed uncontrollably in his pillow like a 12-year-old girl. He put his music on loud to keep his little brother from knowing how much pain he was in at the sight of his mother, back from the dead, walking out of the bunker. He had to be strong for his Sammy and act like Mary's sudden abandonment was no big deal, but now alone in his room, Led Zepplin blaring, his tears spilled unencumbered.

"Cas.... I need you...."  

  Dean didn't realize his silent prayer was hitting its target. He didn't know why he thought it at all. The angel was way too busy to deal with his petty problems, but deep down, he wished Castiel was there to comfort him, to hold him, to....   

   What was he thinking? This was CAS he was fantasizing about! His brother-at-arms! An Angel of the Lord! A MAN! This was crazy! Insane!!! How could he possibly feel this way about another dude? Much less an angel, for God's sake! Sam would tell him he's projecting because he's hurt, frustrated and angry. He just lost his mother - again - and he has a lot of pent-up emotions, or some other kind of psychological crap. But that's now. What about before?   

   And another thing... Is he alone in his feelings? He's seen the way Cas looks at him, how he risked his life and the wrath of the angels just to keep him safe? He pulled him from Perdition! Dean absentmindedly rubs the spot where the mark of Castiel's hand used to be. All of these things made Dean closer to the angel including, the absolute fact that Castiel - his Angel - always came when he needed him most.    It was at that moment, his eyes red and filled with pain, that he heard a gravely voice in his head...

"I'm coming, Dean.... Don't worry... I'll be there..."


	3. Revelations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam is wasted and Crowley is a douche.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoying it so far?

   Castiel hastily parked the truck, jumped out, and ran to the bunker. He almost got to the entrance, when he remembered his sullen passenger.

"Oh, don't mind me," Crowley said, feigning a look of dejection, "I'll just sit here while you rescue your damsel in distress." 

   Castiel stormed away, mumbling something in Enochian. Crowley gasped, wide-eyed.

"Language, angel! Do you kiss your Father with that mouth? Or are you saving yourself for the squirrel?"

   Cas ran back, punched the King of Hell in the mouth, then turned around and walked back towards the bunker.

"Dean better realize how lucky he is." Crowley said to the open air, and poofed out.

 

   Castiel entered the bunker, "Whole Lotta Love" echoing through the halls, and saw Sam slumped over in the big chair in the war room, half-empty bottle of whiskey on the table.

"Sam?" No response.

"Sam?" A little louder, still nothing.

   Cas walked over to the chair, and saw that the young Winchester was passed out drunk. Cas used a touch of Grace to gently wake the sleeping giant. Sam slowly stirred, still a bit inebriated, looked up, and got a bit startled seeing the angel looming over him. "Oh, hey Cas, s'up?" Sam said, still a bit slurred. Castiel spoke a little too carefully. "I... Felt something was wrong... Where is Dean?'

   Sam looked slightly confused with the way he said that, but he shrugged it off.

"Nothing's wrong in the our-kind-of-wrong way, but mom left."

"Left??"

"Yeah, she felt like she needed some time to adjust, being alive again and all, so she left."

   Castiel was astonished. Poor Dean! That's why he sounded so broken when he heard him calling. He barely noticed when Sam continued speaking. "Dean seemed more angry than upset, he punched the wall and went into his room. I decided to drink my feelings away, since Dean didn't look like he wanted to talk."

"I'm so sorry, Sam," said the angel, a tear rolling down his stubbled face. "Do you need to talk?"

"No, dude. Not right now, but I know someone who needs you a lot more."

   Cas flushed. "Don't freak out!" Sam said, grabbing the angel's hand, "I've known for a while now. You two are only hiding from each other, not anyone else, and I also know when Dean's hurting. He can't hide it as well as he thinks he can. He needs you, Cas."

   Castiel was dumbfounded. How could anyone know his feelings? He didn't even know his feelings! And how could Dean possibly feel the same? 

"CAS!!! HELP ME!!!"

   Dean's mental cry of anguish broke Castiel out of his thoughts.

"I'm sorry Sam, but I can't think about that right now. I have to go." "Go, Cas." Sam said, slowly falling back into his bottle, "Dean needs you."

   With that, the angel left the little brother to his imbibing and headed to Dean's room.

 


	4. The Bedroom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The pressure intensifies as the elephant in the room appears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I posted this on Wattpad and I realized that not a lot of my friends could see it, so I'm reposting it here.

   Dean barely registered his music had stopped. He sat up in his bed, tears streaming from his eyes, still trying to figure everything out. _Everyone I love leaves me_ , he thought to himself. He hated this feeling. This broken feeling. He hated having to be the strong one. He really wished Cas was there.

   Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. Dean tried to compose himself, thinking Sam can't sleep and wants to have some sappy Dr. Phil moment. He gets up to open the door, ready to chastise the moose for bothering him, when he stops in his tracks, seeing Castiel standing there.

"Dean... I came as soon as I could. I'm so sorry about your mother." Dean moved out of the way so Cas could enter the room. 

"How did you know?"

"Your brother told me. He's drinking in the war room."

Dean snorted. "Figures as much. But how did you know...." Oh Hell, he had to ask, "how did you know I needed you?"

   And there it was. Dean and Cas stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity, neither one of them knowing what the other was thinking. What could Castiel say? How could he possibly explain how he could feel and understand everything Dean needed? He realized then just how much the hunter meant to him. How much he loved him. Because all he wanted to do at that moment, was hold him and take all his anguish from him. For some reason, Dean took this time to look at Castiel's eyes, and - not for the first time - noticed just how beautifully blue they were.

 


	5. Tearing Down The Walls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean pours his heart out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Getting anxious yet?

  Dean was the first to break the silence, his tears threatening to escape again.

"You know what? It doesn't matter how you know. You always know, and that's what makes you wonderful..." 

_Did I say that? Screw it, no stopping now._

"My mom just walks away, not giving a crap how Sammy and I feel, to Hell will family I guess, and I have to be strong and protect my little brother, but how am I supposed to do that when my heart is breaking, huh? I can't do it this time! I can't be the one to make it easier this time! Dammit, Cas! I'm too pissed off!"

   The tears fall freely from his eyes once again as he ranted. Castiel watched the hunter - his hunter - fall apart before him. He hated seeing Dean like this. So hurt and alone.

"To be honest," Dean continued, not trusting his own voice, "the last time I felt like this, was when I saw your empty trenchcoat floating towards me."

Cas remembered that. The Leviathan ripping him apart from the inside out, losing his memory, saving Sam from insanity, all of it. His eyes welled up, remembering that awful time before the Darkness. There were times that he thought he would never be whole again. Never see the Winchesters again. Never see Dean again.

   "Now when I thought things might possibly go right for us for once, when I thought we might come out on top, even for a moment, mom decides she 'needs some time', and takes off! But you... You Cas, you're always here. No matter what happens, no matter what's going on, or how badly I screw up, no matter how much I really don't deserve it, you always come to save me."

Dean finally noticed that Cas was crying also. He walks over to the angel.

"Why are you crying?"

The angel says nothing as he wraps his arms around Dean. 

Surprised, but not about to stop whatever is happening, he wraps his arms around Cas, and they just stand there crying in each other's arms.

 


	6. Theme Song

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mysterious music playing and the moment of truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is my favorite Metallica song, slightly edited to make sense in this context.

**Lay beside me... Tell me what they've done....**

 

    Dean's radio starts playing. The song filling the silence.

 

**Speak the words I wanna hear..... To make my demons run.....**

 

"I love you."

"What?"

_Did he just_...

"Please... Say it again."

"I. Love. You."

_How?_

   They stood there staring at each other, still holding each other. The words hanging in the air.

 

**Could you be there? 'Cause I'm the one who waits for you.... Or are you unforgiven too?**

 

   After all this time, after all they've been through, the one thing they've been truly afraid of, is happening. 

"I'm a dumbass. I've been running from my feelings for too frikkin' long. Running from the truth. I  love you so much, Cas. I was too scared to lose you or ruin our friendship. I've failed you so many times, I never wanted this to be one of the things I screwed up."

 

**He lay beside me.... But he'll be there when I'm gone....**

 

   Castiel's eyes started tearing up again.

"You have never failed me. It is I who have failed you. I love you more than words can say, Dean. Everything I have done, I would do again, just to be standing here with you right now."

   Dean leaned into the angel and gently brushed his lips against his, causing them both to blush. Castiel brings his lips closer, closing the gap between them, and it felt as if they had done it hundreds of times before, like two broken pieces reunited. Their arms tightening, as if they were afraid the other would fade away and this beautiful dream would end.

 

**Yes he'll be there when I'm gone...**

 

   It happened. Their gentle and loving first kiss of many. They melt into each other's arms, and everything else disappears.

 

**Dead sure he'll be there......**

 


	7. First Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are heating up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I accidentally published this chapter on Wattpad, so this chapter is technically a two-parter.

  Their kiss intensified as instinct takes over. Dean presses his lips harder against the angel, as Castiel runs his hands along Dean's back, sending a shiver down his spine.

    They've been waiting for so long for this, unsure of what they were doing, but knowing that they could not  - would not - stop now. All those years of waiting, longing, confusion and pain drifting away as they fell deeper into the abyss of their love for each other.

  "Cas... My Angel... I love you. I can't stop saying it. I never thought it would happen because I was so damn stubborn. But I need this... Need you..." He reaches up and curls his fingers into his scruffy black hair, kissing him softly.

"Dean..." Castiel's voice is deeper and dripping with a passion the hunter had never heard before but prayed to everything that he'll keep hearing in the moments to come.

"I love you so much, I... do not understand how I could not say it before. I was so afraid of losing what we have.... Afraid of losing you." 

"You never have to worry about that again," Dean said, resting his hand on Castiel's face, "I'm never leaving now." And with that, he pulled the angel closer, and kissed him deeply. Savoring the taste of his lips, so pink from his previous work.

"Love you..."

"Need you..."

"Want you..."

"Want this..."

    Dean guides Castiel to the bed, never letting go of each other. Cas shrugs off his trenchcoat as Dean loosens his tie. He fumbles with the buttons on Cas's shirt as the angel pulled the hunter's t-shirt off. 

"So amazing..." Cas says, as he looks lovingly at the shirtless man in front of him, taking mental inventory of every inch of him.

"So beautiful..."

"Need this..."

    Cas brushes his lips along Dean's neck, holding him tightly, never wanting to let go. Dean's breath hitched at the feeling of the mouth nuzzling against his skin, Cas blushing at the knowledge that he's giving him so much pleasure.

   Dean and Cas felt the need for more growing inside them, aching to come out. And this stopped them briefly, since neither of them had ever been in this situation before. They looked at each other then, their faces flushed with excitement and hunger, unsure of what to do next.

"Have you ever....."

"What? No! Have you?"

"April was my only sexual encounter, and I have watched several movies about it, but no."

"You've watched gay porn??"

"I have watched many forms of pornography. The pizza man and the babysitter made me wonder if that was all there was to intercourse, to human mating. Some of the movies I watched were quite disturbing, especially the ones Metatron had me watch during his popular culture lessons."

   Dean had to laugh at the thought of Castiel watching hours of porn as though it was a course in human studies, which in a way, it kind of was.

  "Well, which is your favorite?" 

Cas looked at Dean and smiled.

  "Whichever will give you the most pleasure I can offer."

Those words alone made Dean breathless.

   "We can figure it out together." Dean said, his smile showing every bit of lustfulness he could muster.

    Castiel pushed Dean down on his back and ran his tongue along Dean's bottom lip, wordlessly begging to taste him. Dean parted his lips, allowing the angel to slide his tongue along his own. Castiel relished in every flavor of him, breathing in his scent, looking deeply into the hunter's beautiful green eyes.

   "Are you scared?"

   "A little. Are you?"

   "A little."

   "Are you sure about this?"

   "More than anything."

   "I love you."

   "I love you too, my Angel."

   

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know if it makes sense.


	8. Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's all coming together.

"My Angel..."

    Castiel was certain he loved hearing that as much as Dean loved saying it. They were finally together, their hearts laid bare before them. Dean and Cas thought of nothing else. No pain, no sadness, no anger. Just love. Honest and pure and beautiful. 

    Dean kissed a line from the angel's lips to the soft spot on his neck, forcing happy noises from Castiel. He nips and kisses the angel's ear, sending his pulse racing.

  "Dean..." Castiel moaned, his body trembling, feeling his blood head south, filling him with hunger. He leaned his head against Dean's, trying to catch his breath. He looks at him, completely wrecked, and said...

 

"Wouldn't this be less cumbersome if we removed our pants?"

   

Dean was about to laugh, thinking Cas was just being his adorably naive self, but it got caught in his throat when he saw him undoing his belt, his beautiful blue eyes sparkling with want.

    The sight of Castiel looking up at him as he unzipped his jeans, kissing his chest, set his heart pounding. He never thought he would ever feel this way about a guy fumbling with his pants, but this was no mere man to Dean. This... Was Castiel, the Angel. His Angel. And he was deeply, so deeply, in love with him.

    Castiel threw himself into the moment, memorizing every hitch in Dean's breath, every moan, every time he calls his name, and the feeling of Dean's fingers raking through his hair as he worships the hunter with everything he's got.

    Cas felt a hunger and longing he'd suppressed for so long. He wanted this... Needed this... Now here he was, watching his hunter drowning in pleasure under him, and he loved every minute.

   Dean could feel himself straining through his boxers, feeling like he could explode any minute, so he pulled the angel back up to his face and kissed him fiercely, reveling in his taste. He was ready.

   "My turn," Dean said, flipping Cas and biting into his neck. 

         Dean was giving the angel all he could, licking him all over as he removed Cas's dress pants. Castiel moaned and babbled incoherently as Dean ravaged his body with his mouth.

   

   "So good.... So beautiful.... So mine..."

   "Yes, baby.... All mine..."

 

    Soon, all of their clothes were on the floor as they rubbed and cuddled against each other, their arousal clearly evident. They looked at each other, as if seeing the other for the first time.

 

   "It is... Bigger... than I thought it would be."

   "You've thought about this?"

   "Occasionally."

 

    Blushing again, Dean kissed Castiel again, chuckling softly at how damn cute he looked. No longer able to contain himself, he slid his hand down and grabbed Cas firmly, making him gasp in surprise.

 

   "Did I hurt you?"

   "No! I just did not... Expect that."

 

   Dean started rubbing. Cas's breath came out haggard, lost in sensation as the hunter continued his beautiful torture.

 

   "Mmmm.... Dean...."

 

Cas lowered his hand and mirrored the moves Dean was making, causing the hunter to whimper.

 

   "Oh, yeah..."

 

    They were going a bit faster now, rubbing, kissing, using their free hands to massage and explore, making them both shudder.

  

    "Cas... Harder... Need more..." 

 

    Castiel rubbed harder, causing Dean to bite his neck. Castiel moaned, and started to go faster.

 

   "DAMMIT, CAS!!"

 

   Cas stopped. Dean towered above him, ready to take what he hungered for.

 

   "I need you, Cas. Can I? please?"

 

    Castiel looked up at Dean, sweaty and filled with lust, and smiled. He reached out to Dean's face, and slid his thumb along his cheek. He had his hunter."Yes, Dean."

 

  "You'll tell me if it hurts."

   "You will not hurt me, Dean. I trust you."

 

   Dean was slow and careful, easing his way inside. Cas moaned at the initial feeling, but he loved it. Everything he ever wanted was right here. It was the best feeling in the world.

 

"Tell me how to go, my Angel, " said Dean, forming a rhythm. He kept looking at his blue eyes, watching his expression as he got closer.

 

   "Faster..."

 

He picked up the pace, moaning in unison with the angel below him, his fingers grasping the bedsheets.

 

   "Ohhh... So good... Sooo.... Good..."

   "You're doing so well, my Angel..."

   "Dean..."

 

    Dean reached down between them, trying to keep pace. Castiel lost all thought and reason. It felt so right, so perfect. He loved the feel of Dean's hand, the feeling of Dean inside him, the sound of his voice, the sound of their panting together.

   The hunter was being careful, making it last as long as he could. He wanted this to be special. Their first of many. Nothing else mattered in this moment, except for pleasing his angel.

 

  "Love you..."

   "Need you..."

   "Harder..."

   "Yes..."

   "Almost there..."

  "Oh, Dean... My Dean..."

  "Yes... Mine..."

   "Cas... Now..."

   "DEAN!!!"

   "CAS!!!"

 

    They announced their mutual climax to the world, as they spilled over and into each other, their faces flushed with euphoria when they collapsed into the bed.

 

   

 


	9. The End of the Beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The title speaks for itself.

They laid in bed together, basking in the afterglow. Castiel snuggled up to Dean, trailing his fingers along his chest.

 

"That was...."

"Amazing."

"Yes, it was."

"So... What happens now?"

"More of this, I hope."

"Easy there, Casanova," Dean said, laughing, "give me a chance to catch my breath!" 

He kissed the angel's forehead, pulling him closer.

 

"I never thought it would happen. This is all I've ever wanted."

"Thank you, Dean."

"For what?"

"Everything."

"Always, Cas." 

 

And Dean drifted off in Cas's arms.

\-----------------------------

 

Castiel hated to wake Dean, but he knew he couldn't stay. He had to get back to looking for Lucifer. He kissed Dean on the cheek to wake him. 

Dean's eyes fluttered open, and he looked at the angel.

 

"Hey, assbutt."

"It wasn't a dream. You're really here."

"Yes."

"And we really just..."

"Yes."

Dean smiled. 

"Awesome."

 

Cas told Dean that he had to leave, but they would talk very soon. They shared one more loving kiss, and Dean fell asleep, still smiling.

 

When Castiel got to the truck, Crowley was there waiting.

 

"Finished canoodling, have we? Did you forget our little Luci problem?"

Cas punched him in the arm and got into the truck. As they started driving, Crowley looked over to the angel about to interrogate him on why he took so long, when he noticed a purplish bruise peeking out from the collar of the angel's trenchcoat. Wide-eyed, mouth gaping, he grabbed his phone and sent a quick text...

\-----------------

 

Sam woke up with a pounding headache. Cursing himself for passing out in the chair, he begrudgingly got up and wandered to his room. As he made his way slowly down the hall, he felt his phone buzzing in his pocket. He pulled it out and saw a message from Crowley. 

 

**You owe me twenty bucks.**

 

Sam smiled. It would be the best bet he ever lost.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, here it is, my very first fanfic. Please let me know what you think of it. Should I try another? Give up entirely? Thank you to everyone who read it, and thank you to everyone that helped me write it.


End file.
